Monday, December 6, 2010
Absent Minded Aussie
Life has been full the past several months. Holiday in Bali, wonderful time spent with my daughter, Thanksgiving with wonderful family and friends...just tooo busy cleaning cooking and enjoying to be able to spend time bloggin...but i'll be back eventually! So make sure you check in after January. Have lots of company until mid Feb but will probably need to "air" a few thoughts. Happy New Yr, Merry Christmas, and all that stuff.. till next time, HUGS AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Doctor Tell me...
Had my second Psychologist appointment last Friday. It went well. I've had a positive sort of week so had of course positive things to share with her. Have been trying to have more positive communication with my hubby after my breakdown fit several weeks ago. I don't know that this last time i said anything different than i had the previous 14yrs but it seems he listened this time! HURRAH for PROZAC! Whatever i did or didn't say or how i said or didn't say was most likely due to my lack of irritability in my voice maybe? Or how i worded more with a "we" instead of a "you"..(even though we know most of the problem is with the "you" factor..) but whatever...he's been much more approachable, much more tuned in to what i'm saying (now if it lasts for more than a week we'll all be surprised)..but i shouldn't have said that...i'm supposed to try to recognize my negative thoughts and replace with a positive....soooo i'll say It was a good week with communicating with my husband. and just stop it there.
OK nuf of this. Saw my first snake today. A Dark GREEN snake. Supposedly a tree snake but...looked to dark from ones i had seen before. Soo must be getting to our summer cause they're moving around already! Was just sitting at my desk reading emails of junk, nothing from anyone except people trying to sell crap, and i look out the window and this twig looking thing starts moving on top the waterfall! HOLY SHIT...so of course i stand and watch from INSIDE the window...and watch where it goes to...NO IDEA, nothing in the grass or under the bushes moved sooo wherever it went, it did so without any sort of moving anything! DAMN SNAKES I HATE THEM!
Its a cloudy rainy sort of day today. Hve a birthday party dinner to go to in a couple hours so i best get my rear in gear. Looking forward to a good meal that i havnt had to cook! Always a treat for me! So till next time. Lets all have a good week ahead! Maybe some True Blood or Madmen will happen!
OK nuf of this. Saw my first snake today. A Dark GREEN snake. Supposedly a tree snake but...looked to dark from ones i had seen before. Soo must be getting to our summer cause they're moving around already! Was just sitting at my desk reading emails of junk, nothing from anyone except people trying to sell crap, and i look out the window and this twig looking thing starts moving on top the waterfall! HOLY SHIT...so of course i stand and watch from INSIDE the window...and watch where it goes to...NO IDEA, nothing in the grass or under the bushes moved sooo wherever it went, it did so without any sort of moving anything! DAMN SNAKES I HATE THEM!
Its a cloudy rainy sort of day today. Hve a birthday party dinner to go to in a couple hours so i best get my rear in gear. Looking forward to a good meal that i havnt had to cook! Always a treat for me! So till next time. Lets all have a good week ahead! Maybe some True Blood or Madmen will happen!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Light at the end of the tunnel
Well it's been awhile since i've visited here. Have been working on ME lately. After feeling like i was crumbling inside and hated the world no matter how nice and wonderful it looked to everyone else, i decided to take myself to the doc to see if i was a candidate for happy pills! AND YES I AM! Its been 6days now that i'm on Prozac. Others tell me they can tell some difference, i am feeling a little different, but also more concentrated on NOT BEING NEGATIVE about issues. Playing a little game with myself, whenever i have a negative thought on a conversation that is happening, i try to speak a positive sentence, no matter what my mind is thinking. Sounds good on the outside, but inside, i'm still struggling. Kinda like i'm lying to myself. Maybe that's what i have to work at, little lying to myself.
Sometimes i listen to people around me and they can sound so cheery and chat about NOTHING. So if i dont pitch in and do the chat about NOTHING, then they look at me as if i'm not sociable. Sometimes i just want to bitch! Sometimes i just want to sit and think, sometimes i just want to share MY GRUMPY MINDED THOUGHTS, sometimes i want to share MY GOOD HAPPY THOUGHTS! but at the moment, i'm just try to say something positive no matter what the conversation is about. Put on my smile and pretend all is fine. Maybe with some practice it'll fool my mind into thinking the world is a wonderful place and i'm so frickin happy to be in it! One can only hope!
Today i'm having a teeter-totter day. It was a good day to start with. Got a great hug from my accupuncture friend, got a great hug from my daughter. She even fixed up my bike JUST FOR ME! My ass is boney and needed a diff seat on my bike. She did it for me without my asking! Was really nice. Appreciated it, i so appreciate her in my life. Must say her dad and I did make one helluva great kid! AND BEAUTIFUL! Her smile, her gorgeous blue eyes, her wonderful old soul, her kind heart, i could go on and on, but you get the drift right? I may sound biased but EVERYONE LOVES HER! You meet her and you just can't help but love her! She really does make the world a better place and anyone she comes in contact with has a bright light in their day. Then i came home. Felt like i was in a cloud again. Alone, husband napping, i try to not make noise to disturb his majesty. He wakes from the nap, heads to the tv. Such a thrilling home life. OK i left out that we did manage to go to a small town festival. Hubby was hungry, went to the Indonesian food spot, menu is haning in front of us with prices, he orders, we get the price and he bitches aloud! Like HELLO IDIOT THE PRICES WERE THERE, ADD UP WHATYOU ORDERED...like if you didn't want to spend that much, DON"T EAT THAT MUCH NEXT TIME! What an idiot! But was proud of myself, told him i thought he was unfair in his attitude because the prices were right in front of him and he did see them so he had nothing to bitch about! Felt good for me! Usually i dont say anything when he does this sort of thing, which is often. Hate going out to eat with him, always something is wrong with either the place or the food. And yet, the only thing he seems to ever want to do is go out to eat! Wierd. sooo here i am on the computer, whinge whinge whinge....oh well, tomorrow will be better, today was good, up down up down, but tomorrow will be better...drugs are kickin in soon!
Sometimes i listen to people around me and they can sound so cheery and chat about NOTHING. So if i dont pitch in and do the chat about NOTHING, then they look at me as if i'm not sociable. Sometimes i just want to bitch! Sometimes i just want to sit and think, sometimes i just want to share MY GRUMPY MINDED THOUGHTS, sometimes i want to share MY GOOD HAPPY THOUGHTS! but at the moment, i'm just try to say something positive no matter what the conversation is about. Put on my smile and pretend all is fine. Maybe with some practice it'll fool my mind into thinking the world is a wonderful place and i'm so frickin happy to be in it! One can only hope!
Today i'm having a teeter-totter day. It was a good day to start with. Got a great hug from my accupuncture friend, got a great hug from my daughter. She even fixed up my bike JUST FOR ME! My ass is boney and needed a diff seat on my bike. She did it for me without my asking! Was really nice. Appreciated it, i so appreciate her in my life. Must say her dad and I did make one helluva great kid! AND BEAUTIFUL! Her smile, her gorgeous blue eyes, her wonderful old soul, her kind heart, i could go on and on, but you get the drift right? I may sound biased but EVERYONE LOVES HER! You meet her and you just can't help but love her! She really does make the world a better place and anyone she comes in contact with has a bright light in their day. Then i came home. Felt like i was in a cloud again. Alone, husband napping, i try to not make noise to disturb his majesty. He wakes from the nap, heads to the tv. Such a thrilling home life. OK i left out that we did manage to go to a small town festival. Hubby was hungry, went to the Indonesian food spot, menu is haning in front of us with prices, he orders, we get the price and he bitches aloud! Like HELLO IDIOT THE PRICES WERE THERE, ADD UP WHATYOU ORDERED...like if you didn't want to spend that much, DON"T EAT THAT MUCH NEXT TIME! What an idiot! But was proud of myself, told him i thought he was unfair in his attitude because the prices were right in front of him and he did see them so he had nothing to bitch about! Felt good for me! Usually i dont say anything when he does this sort of thing, which is often. Hate going out to eat with him, always something is wrong with either the place or the food. And yet, the only thing he seems to ever want to do is go out to eat! Wierd. sooo here i am on the computer, whinge whinge whinge....oh well, tomorrow will be better, today was good, up down up down, but tomorrow will be better...drugs are kickin in soon!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Chilli thoughts
Today i'm making homemade chili. Its that sort of weather this week. I'm off to a friends to watch a tv show tonight so i don't have to make dinner for the person i live with. He'll be able to heat up his own..possibly..usually that's too much work for him so he just eats sweets or whatever he can get his hands on that requires no moving from the sofa. ANYWAY...i'm going to enjoy my evening! But damn the chili is smelling good! I like making chili. Its a bit of a "comfort food". My mother would make a HUGE kettle for all of us to share. She made the best chili in the world. I try to duplicate it but it's just not quite the same. Must come with more years experience than i've reached yet.
We have a pool. We also have lotsa wind and trees in the area. Hence..leaves in the pool, twigs in the pool,,etc etc..as i am usually the responsible one in the household that THINKS AHEAD and trys to PREVENT more costs of owning a home(along with the bank)..i am usually the one to go CLEAN THE CRAP OUT OF THE POOL...but today i'm teaching a lesson. May cost me, but..its time to help someone realize the DUTIES that are to be done on a daily basis to make this place function at its best and necessary functioning home. So i recieve a phone call from a friend who is borrowing my roommate for some patio man sort of work. Very nice of him to do this. He's been there several days now during the day helping her. Today she phones me to let me know how WONDERFUL a job he's done. She's right, he does do nice work when he wants to. Needs a zillion compliments on any project he undertakes. Today he was painting posts. ..so she proceeds to let me know how he also let her know he'd scoop her pool free from debri from the high winds and also blow off the verandah patio area. ISn't that nice of him...YES IT IS BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR OWN FUCKIN HOUSE! Can't even get him to add water unless i POINT IT OUT TO HIM THAT HE MAYBE COULD DO THAT BEFORE THE PUMPS BURN OUT! And he doesn't even ever look out the window to see if the pool cleaner is working sucking things up off the bottom. I always have to check each day and only if i ASK him does he SOMETIMES check it. After 10yrs it never ENTERS HIS MIND??? How STUPID can one person be? Same goes for a the cat that we've had for 15yrs. I can count on one hand how often he's ever changed the litter box and i can count on 1 finger how many times he's ever actually washed it out!...Like HELLO...do you really think we have fairies? I even have a sign in my kitchen that says "don't piss of the fairies"...he has no clue really what the hell that is about. I do think he believes fairies do all the work around here. By work i mean all the crap it takes to keep this place in shape to ever ONE DAY SELL IT! It's beautiful place but...i am anxious to be gone for 2months and see how it all goes.....hopefully this summer. It will be interesting! After all, as he says I DONT WORK..so we'll see how he likes to take care of the house since its not considered WORK....or else i may just come home to a pile of dust and dirt and dead pumps all over. Which would be fine cuase that's exactly how i'd leave it be until he decided maybe he should've done something..or maybe we need to find a smaller house here! I'm working on that idea. Till next time...i need to go check my chili!
We have a pool. We also have lotsa wind and trees in the area. Hence..leaves in the pool, twigs in the pool,,etc etc..as i am usually the responsible one in the household that THINKS AHEAD and trys to PREVENT more costs of owning a home(along with the bank)..i am usually the one to go CLEAN THE CRAP OUT OF THE POOL...but today i'm teaching a lesson. May cost me, but..its time to help someone realize the DUTIES that are to be done on a daily basis to make this place function at its best and necessary functioning home. So i recieve a phone call from a friend who is borrowing my roommate for some patio man sort of work. Very nice of him to do this. He's been there several days now during the day helping her. Today she phones me to let me know how WONDERFUL a job he's done. She's right, he does do nice work when he wants to. Needs a zillion compliments on any project he undertakes. Today he was painting posts. ..so she proceeds to let me know how he also let her know he'd scoop her pool free from debri from the high winds and also blow off the verandah patio area. ISn't that nice of him...YES IT IS BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR OWN FUCKIN HOUSE! Can't even get him to add water unless i POINT IT OUT TO HIM THAT HE MAYBE COULD DO THAT BEFORE THE PUMPS BURN OUT! And he doesn't even ever look out the window to see if the pool cleaner is working sucking things up off the bottom. I always have to check each day and only if i ASK him does he SOMETIMES check it. After 10yrs it never ENTERS HIS MIND??? How STUPID can one person be? Same goes for a the cat that we've had for 15yrs. I can count on one hand how often he's ever changed the litter box and i can count on 1 finger how many times he's ever actually washed it out!...Like HELLO...do you really think we have fairies? I even have a sign in my kitchen that says "don't piss of the fairies"...he has no clue really what the hell that is about. I do think he believes fairies do all the work around here. By work i mean all the crap it takes to keep this place in shape to ever ONE DAY SELL IT! It's beautiful place but...i am anxious to be gone for 2months and see how it all goes.....hopefully this summer. It will be interesting! After all, as he says I DONT WORK..so we'll see how he likes to take care of the house since its not considered WORK....or else i may just come home to a pile of dust and dirt and dead pumps all over. Which would be fine cuase that's exactly how i'd leave it be until he decided maybe he should've done something..or maybe we need to find a smaller house here! I'm working on that idea. Till next time...i need to go check my chili!
COMMUNICATION
I live alone with somebody. We share a house. There's very little conversation unless it pertains to him. He will talk about himself for hours, or his previous life but anything i have to say goes on deaf ears! He can be looking directly at me(for two seconds) then seems to look off anywhere but at me, and no matter how plain i talk, or how loud or soft, unless i YELL, he gives me a stupid over the top of eyeglass look and says "what did you say?"..so i'm turning into a frickin parrot, repeating every sentence i say around the house. Why is it he shows NO RESPECT for me when i talk, shows no interest into anything i want to talk about. I can read articles, headlines in the daily paper, he looks at me and then gets up and walks off. ...I know the bible talks about the WORD....i think what that is that everyone should live by is COMMUNICATION! That is what is meant by the WORD. Without communication the whole world falls apart, person by person. Why is it so hard to get across to this older generation. Just makes ya want to SLAP THEIR MOTHERS!!!
Which gets me thinking of parents responsibility once they decide to have a child..but i'll save that for another day.
Which gets me thinking of parents responsibility once they decide to have a child..but i'll save that for another day.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Nervous Nelly
After reading everyone else's blogs for several years, i've decided to join the blogger world! I bit scarey to start. Putting things out to the world and hoping to get some healthy comments on my thoughts or whatever happens to pop up on this site. So welcome to my world! And thank you to all who have entertained me and opened their world to me in the past several years!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)